Six weeks ago, I started working with a family whose child was having big meltdowns almost every time the parent asked them to do something.
The parent would give a direction, and the child would respond with:
“I’m NOT doing that!”
“I’m NOT listening to you!”
Or they’d simply walk away.
Then, when the parent tried to follow through and hold the boundary, things would escalate into an explosive meltdown.
Fast-forward six weeks, and this family is no longer having those meltdowns!
We’ve worked on MANY different strategies together, but one that’s made a big difference is something called behavioral momentum.
What Is Behavioral Momentum?
Behavioral momentum is when you start with a few really EASY directions your child is likely to follow before giving them a more challenging direction.
Think about your own to-do list.
Have you ever started with something super easy just so you could cross it off? Or written down something you’ve already done just for the satisfaction of checking it off?
Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. And once you’ve built a little momentum, it’s easier to keep going.
It’s the same idea with our kids!
What Does Behavioral Momentum Look Like?
Let’s say you need your child to clean up their toys.
But you already KNOW that asking them to clean up is likely to turn into a battle.
Instead of jumping straight into “Clean up your toys,” try this:
Step 1: Start with something REALLY easy.
In a playful voice, say:
“Hey! Can you come over here?”
When they come over, immediately make it positive!
Give them a hug, tickle them, do a silly shake of their arms, spin them around, or give them some enthusiastic praise.
Step 2: Build on that success.
“I spy a RED block! Can you find it?”
They find the block.
“Oh my gosh! You’re so good at that!”
Step 3: Introduce the harder direction.
“Okay! Let me see you put the red block in the bin?”
And now you’ve started cleaning up!
You went from a really easy direction to something a little harder, and then to the task you actually wanted your child to do.
That’s behavioral momentum!
How Has This Helped My Client?
For this family, the meltdowns were often happening after the child refused a direction and the parent tried to follow through.
Behavioral momentum has helped us work on following directions BEFORE things escalate.
It’s also helped create more positive interactions between the parent and child instead of every direction immediately turning into a battle.
And that’s helped with both listening AND meltdowns.
Is Behavioral Momentum a Magic Fix?
Absolutely not.
We’ve been working together for six weeks, and behavioral momentum is just ONE of the strategies we’ve used.
There is no ONE strategy that’s going to fix every child’s explosive meltdowns.
It’s about looking at the child’s behavior, the parents’ responses, the environment, and the patterns happening throughout the day.
Then figuring out which strategies that child needs and how to put them all together.
And that’s exactly what I help families do through individualized 1:1 parent coaching. Book a free initial consult HERE.