One of the most common things parents say to me when we start working together is, “I’ve tried everything, and nothing works.”
And I think this comes down to confusion over what “working” really means.
Just because a parenting strategy doesn’t stop the behavior in the moment doesn’t mean it isn’t working. In fact, many of the strategies that don’t look effective right away are the very ones that create the biggest long-term change.
The problem is that when something doesn’t work instantly—like the parenting professional online said it would—parents assume they’re doing it wrong, toss it out, and try the next thing. That leads to a cycle of inconsistency that only makes toddler behavior more challenging.
Meanwhile, the things that do seem to “work” in the moment often set you up for bigger problems later.
Why Quick Fixes Don’t Work Long-Term
Here are three common examples:
Toddler sleep battles: Your toddler refuses to stay in their bed. You let them crawl into yours so everyone can finally get some rest. Short-term? Peace. Long-term? Bedtime battles only grow, because your toddler learns that pushing hard enough gets them what they want.
Tantrums over TV: Your child screams and cries because they want more screen time. You give in to stop the noise. Short-term? Quiet house. Long-term? You’ve reinforced that big tantrums are the path to more TV, which means even bigger meltdowns tomorrow.
Grocery store meltdowns: Your toddler is screaming in the cart and you hand over your phone or a cookie to keep them quiet while you check out. Short-term? Crisis averted. Long-term? Your child learns that the bigger the tantrum, the bigger the payoff.
All of these approaches work if what you mean by “work” is stopping the behavior right now. But they don’t solve the real problem—and they actually strengthen the cycle you’re desperate to break.
Why Toddler Tantrums Sometimes Get Worse Before They Get Better
Now imagine sticking to the boundary:
Walking your child back to their bed again and again, calmly and consistently. Saying “TV is done” and holding that limit, even when the crying escalates. Staying firm in the grocery store with, “We’re not using my phone right now,” even as the meltdown continues.
In the moment, it feels like it’s not working. In fact, it might feel worse—louder, longer, more exhausting. But that’s because your child is testing to see if you really mean it.
Over time, consistency teaches them that tantrums and protests don’t get them what they want. And little by little, the battles lessen.
“Worse Before Better”: The Hardest Part for Parents
This is where so many parents get stuck. When you’ve tried strategy after strategy, it’s confusing to know which one is worth sticking with. And when things get harder at first, it’s natural to think, This isn’t working either.
But especially with strong-willed or sensitive toddlers, things often get worse before they get better. That doesn’t mean the strategy is wrong—it means your child is adjusting to the new boundary and pushing back harder to see if you’ll hold firm.
This phase is uncomfortable, but it’s also where the real change starts. If you can stay consistent through it, you’ll come out the other side with fewer tantrums, smoother routines, and a child who knows what to expect.
Redefining “Working” with Toddler Behavior
So when you ask yourself, “Is this working?” pause and think about the bigger picture:
Working doesn’t always mean peace in the moment. Working means creating patterns that lead to calmer days down the road.
And here’s the tricky part: knowing which toddler parenting strategy to stick with when you’re in the middle of the storm isn’t easy. When things get worse before they get better, it’s hard not to doubt yourself. That’s where coaching comes in.
I help parents figure out what’s truly worth sticking with, and then I walk alongside you through that messy “worse before better” phase so you don’t feel alone or unsure. Together, we take the guesswork out of parenting and build a clear path toward calmer, more connected days.
👉 Schedule your free consultation or learn more about coaching here.